Okay, there are time when someone tells me something and I read into it what fits or what I want to hear at the time. Then there are other times, believe it or not, that I am really listening and I take in every word at face value. Those very special times when I am really paying attention and I don't read anything into what is being said, then later discover that I misunderstood what was said...well...that is baffling.
For the past 12 years I have been working on, around or with technology that allows two or more individuals to collaborate with images. Without giving away my age, I started testing the use of web-based collaboration around images using Netscape 0.87b. That seems like a century ago.
To make a very long history short, I have published a few peer reviewed articles, obtained Federal funding, filed patents and started a small business around the methods and processes for image collaboration and management. I know a little about the subject. For brevity's sake, we will refer the methods and processes as the collection
Recently, I have been engaged with two other parties that are interested in different aspects of the collection. Each party, for a variety of reasons has an agenda that is part of an overall strategy and does not necessarily match my own agenda. Therein lies the problem. So I have to pay extra careful attention when I engage in a dialog with the 'other' parties.
One can imagine my surprise and disbelief upon discovering that I misunderstood a simple sentence that consisted of 13 words. To protect the innocent, I will not repeat the sentence in this forum although it is tempting to do so. Needless to say, I alternated between anger and disbelief to discover that I had been manipulated in this manner by a former colleague and friend (oh grow up you say?) I reminded this individual that I have a mind like a steel trap (along with those X chromosomes) and I don't forget anything.
After the conversation, I kept going over the discussion in my head and analyzed the outcome with my colleagues after which I wondered if I did read something into that single sentence? Could I have forgotten something? I have to admit that I perseverated over the episode until someone who has no emotional attachment to the situation and no relationship to the ‘other’ parties made an observation to my business partner “This is a great opportunity for you! You can state that you did indeed misunderstand what was said and in turn, get a direct answer to the original question. This approach allows you to skip through the confusing rhetoric”. I like that!
What is the lesson here? Well I'll tell you. Don't react. Disengage on an emotional level. Say very little and get everything in writing.
Comments (1)
The Lesson--Disengage. Indeed that is the lesson. An easy thing to say but not so easy to do when you value integrity and honesty in yourself and in others. Oh yeah, and have much of your life on the line with a small business.
Unfortunately, I believe that it is many people's intentions to get a person to engage at an emotional level to gain ground on a negotiation whether it be to change the topic, elicit a reaction and then hold you to it (ie. Please calm down you are overreacting. This often causes another reaction.). This is not a productive approach to do doing business or anything else for that matter.
Emotions are hard. Emotions are great. They help us persevere and perseverate. As small business owners we need perseverance, thus we need emotion. It keeps us going. It keeps us engaged when it is critical.
But we need to keep it in check where necessary without closing it off when we need it most.
Friends, colleagues, "going to the balcony" (from Getting to Yes), and our own internal barometer or bag of tricks are but a few of the ways we can improve outcomes and maintain integrity.
Understanding and setting such limits payoff--this week in fact.
Great work!
Posted by Chris Cochella | March 10, 2007 6:35 PM
Posted on March 10, 2007 18:35